MomReviews

Online marriage counseling from eHarmony

Written by Elizabeth on June 14, 2007 – 9:54 pm -

It’s wonderful to fall in love. You have those first giddy months of dating, getting to know each other, meeting each other’s friends and family, and then if you feel like you have a real connection with each other and want to make it permanent, you get married. Years go by, maybe you buy a house, have children, change careers, and then one day you might realize that there are problems with your marriage. Not necessarily serious problems, but difficulties with communication, sex, money-and now maybe you are finding yourself at the bookstore looking for a relationship book, or even thinking about calling a marriage counselor.

Before you do that, let the experts that created eHarmony, the premier matchmaking site, help you and your spouse learn to confront those small problems head-on and have a stronger, happier, healthier marriage with their new site, eHarmony marriage. You won’t have to buy a self-help book or pay a babysitter while you go see a marriage counselor, you can improve your marriage from the comfort of your home, for FREE, after the kids go to bed! When Parent Bloggers Network asked me to review the site, I figured why not? Chris and I have been together 22 years and married almost 14, and we have some of those small problems I mentioned. I decided to dive in and give the site a try.

Registering for the site is easy, and then you choose from one of three programs:

1. Pre-marital-for newly engaged couples, to help them avoid problems newlyweds face and understand how to build their marriage
2. Marriage Wellness-the one I chose, for a marital “tune-up”
3. Issues and challenges-for couples facing more severe problems such as infidelity or addiction

Once you choose your program, you will fill out the questionnaire to create your FREE personalized M.A.P. , which stands for Marriage Action Plan. It’s a long questionnaire, it took me about a half an hour to finish. You will be asked questions you may not have thought of before, and some of the questions may make you hesitate or feel uncomfortable, but BE HONEST. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to get true answers that will really help you. After you complete the questionnaire, you will get an email link to send to your spouse so they can complete the questionnaire themselves. No copying!

After you have both completed your questionnaires, the system will analyze them and give you your personalized couples M.A.P. You will see which areas of your relationship are the strongest based on your answers, and then tabs to click on that link to areas where your marriage can benefit the most from the eHarmony program. Chris and I need to work on Conflict Management, Emotions, Household Finances, Spirituality (more on that in a minute), and then we had an “Additional” tab, with links to articles about managing depression. I was honestly surprised at how accurate the results were once I thought about them, and they certainly gave Chris and I some things to talk about! I didn’t expect my answers to the profile questions to reveal thoughts and feelings I didn’t even realize I had. The M.A.P. consists of almost FORTY pages of detailed information on OUR relationship based on our answers! On each tabbed page, there are links to how we each answered specific questions, and then a link for Exercises. The exercises consist of twelve videos to watch and discuss, and you can either watch all twelve in order, or watch the ones that pertain just to your areas of concern. The twelve video exercise topics are:

1. Dreaming for Your Marriage-This encourages you to think of where you want your marriage to be in ten years, and then discuss ways to make it happen.
2. The Power of Marital Commitment-How true commitment eases marital anxiety, and how to “love, honor, and cherish” your spouse every day.
3. Learning to Talk Freely- Improving conflict resolution, how to best share your thoughts and desires.
4. Listening Out Loud-”Unleash a deeper sense of understanding and appreciation while reducing harmful tension in your relationship. “
5. Sex, Sex, and Much More-Overcoming common challenges, things you can do throughout the day to encourage a healthier sex life-you KNOW you want to watch that one
6. Trust Me-Address underlying trust issues, reduce defensiveness and misunderstandings.
7. Who You Are-Make better life decisions and improve your current emotional state while strengthening the overall health of your relationship.
8. Positive Conflict-Conflict is actually vital to a strong marriage! Who knew! Man, Chris and I must have the STRONGEST MARRIAGE EVER.
9. Increasing Sexual Chemistry-Reignite romance and passion! Find true satisfaction! You know you want to watch this one too
10. The Considerate Mate-This one deals with gender roles, and how to distribute responsibilities. Avoid resentment, conflict, and decreased chemistry (men who do laundry are HOTT)
11. All In The Family-Set better boundaries with family and friends, bring new people into your social network.
12. Passionate Living-”Get the 5 vital questions every couple should discuss to create greater sense of mutual purpose, spirituality and joy.”

I’ve only had time to watch a few of the videos, and I can see how they will be useful. It’s more engaging to watch scenes being acted out and people being interviewed. I’m glad I have three months to watch them all!

We were both bothered by the questions about our religious beliefs and our church attendance. Because we are both atheists and don’t go to church, we answered all the religious questions in the negative, and apparently, eHarmony marriage is quite concerned that our marriage might be suffering because we don’t have a deep spiritual connection. In fact, there was a question on the questionnaire that asked if we felt our spouse was keeping us from realizing what God’s will was for us. Um, huh? Our recommendations suggested that we might have “uncomfortable conflicts” over not sharing our “unique experiences of faith”. Since there was nowhere on the home page that informed me that this was religious marriage counseling, I didn’t mind answering the questions, but I don’t appreciate being told that there is something wrong with my marriage because it doesn’t have Jesus in it.

So, moving on. In addition to the personalized Marriage Action Plan results, and the exercises and the videos, there are also LOTS of articles to read on these topics:

• Dreams
• Communication
• Sex
• Commitment
• Wellness
• Trust
• Home
• Family
• Companionship
• Values
• Christian Faith and Marriage
• Time Management
• Finances
• Addictions

Whether you have been married for years or are newly engaged, you deserve to have the happiest, healthiest, strongest relationship possible. eHarmony marriage is giving you scientifically proven tools that if used, will help you and your spouse develop a deeper commitment, more effective communication, and even a better sex life!

How cool would it be if someone reading this registered for the site, got their spouse to cooperate, worked through the profile questions and the exercises, and then actually improved their marriage? Pretty darn cool, I’ll tell you. You use the Internet for everything else, why not use it as an Online Marriage Counseling Alternative? Get started on improving your marriage today!

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